Trojie's attempt to distract a friend ends in Blasphemy and giggling

[gmtaslash]

This is what happens when you make throw away promises and have to stick to them.




TROJIE: I could ... interpretive dance the Silmarillion for you?

BRIDGET: That would be awesomesauce

TROJIE: *starts whirling around in an attempt to convey 'dawn'*
*and 'song'*
*and 'creation'*
this is harder than I thought it would be

BRIDGET: I was expecting some sort of webcam deal, to be honest

TROJIE: I wonder if a shimmy is appropriate to represent Iluvatar?
I don't have a webcam, sadly
that's on the christmas list
*shimmies, because Iluvatar has just appeared, singing about things*

BRIDGET: *applauds*

TROJIE: *clones self quickly to have a representative of each Valar
Yavanna Self and Nienna Self have a fight. Choreography breaks out and they are restrained
Manwe Self looks on appreciatively*
*Melkor Self gets the idea for BDSM, one of his lesser known evil inventions*

BRIDGET: *snort*

TROJIE: *Elbereth Self pouts as she is not getting enough attention*
*Light is invented! Valar party!*
*Light gets broken*
*More lights are made*
brb

BRIDGET: what? you can't go! it was just getting good!

TROJIE: back
sorry, had to put the chicken in the oven
anyway
*Elves turn up, drawn by the power of Yavanna/Nienna BDSM pr0n and disco lights*

*Aule gets bored and makes his own peoples, the Dwarfs. Eru delivers Teh Smackdown, cos making people behind his back is Naughty*

*Meanwhile, Melkor is practising Evil, and gets rid of the last set of lights, which were actually trees. Disco trees, of course.*

*Valar suddenly realise Melkor not the great old chum he used to be, and throw him out. He threatens to get them, and their little doggy too*

*Melkor changes his name to Morgoth, as it has more Evil Street Cred, being as it involves the word 'goth'. He starts to wear eyeliner and spiky wristlets as well. Emo poetry ensues*

*This attracts other Emo Kid, Sauron. Morgoth and Sauron hang out for a bit*
*Probably cutting themselves and writing songs about roses and blood
anyway, that's beside the point*

*Cos the Elves have got to Middle Earth, and Morgoth/Sauron are distracted from their poetry and start to Plot*

*and here I get confused about what happens in the Silmarillion, so now we go to a Random Musical Interlude where all of the Valar sing 'Fame' and then do a can can*

*Later on, Gandalf meets up with his posse; a few hobbits, a sweaty Man with a big Horn, a grotty man with a big Sword, an Elf with a shampoo problem and a Dwarf with an Elf problem. They vow to deliver a Smackdown to Sauron, being as they are sick of all the My Chemical Romance being pumped out of the big speakers in Minas Morgul*

*Gandalf and Posse have a few troubles on the way to Smackdown-City, but after curing a minor case of death and playing Musical Chairs with the role of Comic Relief, they're saved by some big flying Deus Ex Machinas and move on to the end of the story, which is a Poignant Moment*

*Later on, Grotty Sword Man marries Hot Elf Chick and they have a Significant Son. Dwarf and Elf get over their problems and visit some caves and forests together. Hobbits go home, save the day, grow extra tall and all get given Important Positions of Authority and breed like rabbits*

Okay, Interpretive Dance done

Comments

[elvenpiratelady.livejournal.com]

Disco trees. I love you so much. And here's The Silmarillion in less than 1000 words for the bit in the middle. :D

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

They so ARE disco trees.

And thanks for the link; I mean, I've read it five or six times, but I always make the mistake of trying to read it in bed ... it never ends well. I always get confused after the first segment about the Creation (which I am not going to try and type out the name of because I will butcher the spelling). An abridged version is just what I need :)

[elvenpiratelady.livejournal.com]

Ainulindalë? Yeah, that's pretty stubborn stuff and I've only read through the whole thing once. But other bits of the Silm are very cool, you just have to look for them. One of my favourites is when Maeglin gets thrown off the walls of Gondolin and the book goes on to a lengthy description with full King-James-Bible style writing, which essentially boils down to: he bounced three times on the way down.

And then there's the Narn I Hin Hurin. Tolkien must have been smoking something stronger than tobacco for that, I swear...

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

I suspect he was smoking it a LOT.

But we loves him.

[dagor-hamster.livejournal.com]

Oh, god, I love that part of The Silmarillion. I mean, JRRT actually says how many times he bounced on the way down! *squees* Being a stalkerish pervert in Arda is a really bad idea*. There's Eol, and didn't Turin behead a rapist at some point?

But Narn I Hin Hurin isn't that weird, is it? Or am I forgetting something important?

*I try not to think about Fëanor and Galadriel. Her uncle, for Eru's sake...

[elvenpiratelady.livejournal.com]

The Narn? Apart from curses, temper tantrums, a naked Elf being chased through the woods by a man with a sword, mind rape, battle rage, implied threesome, accidental murder and very accidental incest... nope, it's fine. :D

[spacegirlnz.livejournal.com]

Omg. I just had to say that I love your icon!

[elvenpiratelady.livejournal.com]

Everything is better with Daleks!