gmtaslash | Trojie's attempt to distract a friend ends in Blasphemy and giggling

This is what happens when you make throw away promises and have to stick to them.

TROJIE: I could ... interpretive dance the Silmarillion for you?

BRIDGET: That would be awesomesauce

TROJIE: *starts whirling around in an attempt to convey 'dawn'*
*and 'song'*
*and 'creation'*
this is harder than I thought it would be

BRIDGET: I was expecting some sort of webcam deal, to be honest

TROJIE: I wonder if a shimmy is appropriate to represent Iluvatar?
I don't have a webcam, sadly
that's on the christmas list
*shimmies, because Iluvatar has just appeared, singing about things*

BRIDGET: *applauds*

TROJIE: *clones self quickly to have a representative of each Valar
Yavanna Self and Nienna Self have a fight. Choreography breaks out and they are restrained
Manwe Self looks on appreciatively*
*Melkor Self gets the idea for BDSM, one of his lesser known evil inventions*

BRIDGET: *snort*

TROJIE: *Elbereth Self pouts as she is not getting enough attention*
*Light is invented! Valar party!*
*Light gets broken*
*More lights are made*
brb

BRIDGET: what? you can't go! it was just getting good!

TROJIE: back
sorry, had to put the chicken in the oven
anyway
*Elves turn up, drawn by the power of Yavanna/Nienna BDSM pr0n and disco lights*

*Aule gets bored and makes his own peoples, the Dwarfs. Eru delivers Teh Smackdown, cos making people behind his back is Naughty*

*Meanwhile, Melkor is practising Evil, and gets rid of the last set of lights, which were actually trees. Disco trees, of course.*

*Valar suddenly realise Melkor not the great old chum he used to be, and throw him out. He threatens to get them, and their little doggy too*

*Melkor changes his name to Morgoth, as it has more Evil Street Cred, being as it involves the word 'goth'. He starts to wear eyeliner and spiky wristlets as well. Emo poetry ensues*

*This attracts other Emo Kid, Sauron. Morgoth and Sauron hang out for a bit*
*Probably cutting themselves and writing songs about roses and blood
anyway, that's beside the point*

*Cos the Elves have got to Middle Earth, and Morgoth/Sauron are distracted from their poetry and start to Plot*

*and here I get confused about what happens in the Silmarillion, so now we go to a Random Musical Interlude where all of the Valar sing 'Fame' and then do a can can*

*Later on, Gandalf meets up with his posse; a few hobbits, a sweaty Man with a big Horn, a grotty man with a big Sword, an Elf with a shampoo problem and a Dwarf with an Elf problem. They vow to deliver a Smackdown to Sauron, being as they are sick of all the My Chemical Romance being pumped out of the big speakers in Minas Morgul*

*Gandalf and Posse have a few troubles on the way to Smackdown-City, but after curing a minor case of death and playing Musical Chairs with the role of Comic Relief, they're saved by some big flying Deus Ex Machinas and move on to the end of the story, which is a Poignant Moment*

*Later on, Grotty Sword Man marries Hot Elf Chick and they have a Significant Son. Dwarf and Elf get over their problems and visit some caves and forests together. Hobbits go home, save the day, grow extra tall and all get given Important Positions of Authority and breed like rabbits*

Okay, Interpretive Dance done