Original, er, Poetry

[gmtaslash]

Title: needz moar gay
Author: gmtaslash
Rating: R
Notes: So, Experimental Writing module. They like you to play with taboos, and they don't approve of spelling, punctuation and grammar. So what do we produce? What do you think we produced, with a brief like that? Concrit appreciated, as ever.





long tiem ago, liek rly rly far
d00ds wuz fitin lotsa war
cuz d00ds iz likin teh happy cat
but we iz finkin we no liek dat
dey fites wit swords n stix n stuffs
dey fites reel hard, dey pwns reel tuff
but we can has brainz n we can has wilz
n we can has mad awsum ninja skilz
we sees dem d00ds n ses kthnxbai
cuz we no can has pwnage not no wai
teh ceiling cat aint our head d00d
n we finks his teechins r daownrite r00d
he wantsa peeples do wut he say
we dun wan b live dat way
we sees stuffs n ses can has
cat sees stuffs ses no can has
we ses y no has dis fing
iz makin <3 n our hearts sing
teh ceiling cat no liek dis way
wen we b shoutin needz moar gay!

needz moar pr0nz, needz moar gay
jus 1 fing 4 maekz our day
ceiling cat ses no no way
but teh urfs solushun b needz moar gay!

so dis b our liek manifesto
u reeds n den u ses hey presto
cuz it b kewl and n it be gud
n can be gifins u dykez in mud
u can haz pr0nz, u can haz fluff
u can haz hobbitses totes in teh buff
u can haz dis an so much moar
all coz of teh awsum Rule 34
is no be much wot we iz askin
all we asks is u be taskin
ur powar kittehs 2 b sweetz
n let us b nommin dese little treetz
n den we not b makin truble
we no b marchin on teh duble
wif flagz n stufz 2 claim dis rite
cuz we b not down wit da fite
we dont fink we shud fite wif uvvas
we no be fiters, we be luvvas
but if in ur base b teh onlee way
den we fites cuz teh world b needin moar gay!

needz moar mansex, needz moar gay
how can nebody say
dat luv b evol n not teh way?
yo ceiling cat, u needz moar gay!

we noez u b finkin we'z teh basement cat
n sumtiems well iz trufax dat
but basement cat b watchin u
n he b knowin wut u do
he b hidin under teh bed
wen u b givin urselfs teh head
n wen u cumz n can has w00t
u b jus liek us n dat b troof
so y u fite gainst whut u b?
u kno iz no use cuz we can c
dat u b 1 ov us we no
so stop teh lyin, jus let go
ceiling cat ain't gud 2 u
he keepz u daown, he liez 2 u
join wif us n u b free
we speekz teh troof, we no u c
n if u listens 2 our pleez
u 2 can has hawt d00ds on thier neez
wif uvva d00ds jus liek u say
cos u no u wantz a lot moar gay!

needz moar yaoi, needz moar gay
2gether or alone-time play
d00ds n chix in evry way
evrybody needs moar gay!

our slash not b hurtin any1
may not b inosent but b fun
we show u it den c urselfs
teh pr0nz b bein gud 4 ur helfz
"doktah! teh master b takin ova teh urfs!
he b makin ma d00ds in2 slaves n surfs!"
teh doktah, he can safes teh day
ses "dis situashun b needin moar gay!"
u can sees it nao, i bets
is it b makin ur seet b wet?
so den teh doktah no can has pants
n teh master he b doin a dance
cos he be seein tiemcock nao
n it b makin him go wow
dey gets sum stufz n lotsa lubez
n doktah maekz master b teh woob
taekz him on teh tardis floor
jus fink if al ov dis u saw
u b joinin us wen we say
teh beeb b needin lots moar gay!

needz moar slash, needz moar gay
teh beeb alredy b on teh way
wif lotsa hints an subtex play
so y resist - we needz moar gay!

how bout u sees teh nu star trek
an capten kirk suks on spocks nek
or uvver bits ov vulcan body -
u see teh appeal of dis our hobbie?
so long as it not b dubcon pr0n
cuz green bludz no b givin us teh horn
or mebbe u liekz teh fantasy
den u can has nekkid pevensie
u pick wich, b lots 2 chooz
u wish u cud b in caspian's shooz
or praps teh magik beez ur fing
c merlin servis his sorta-king
or if teh literaree iz ur style
u jus no dat pocket b in denile
he wants 2 b snoggin mr pip
n sharin teh blud on his bleedin lip
we nos u got sum fantasees
praps prince hektor on his nees
many vishuns, many ways
all can be urs - u needz moar gay!

needz moar goatse, needz moar gay
heer all teh peeple call an say
luv duzn't onlee hav 1 way
for faerness sake, we needz moar gay!

so y u spend ur tiem on fitin
wen u cuds b doin pr0nz n ritin
y u chooz to risk ur hed
wen u cud haz fun in bed
wen u cud b enjoy ur life
u chooz insted teh way of strife
ur boms go splodey al teh tiem
n 2 us dat b a crime
so join us on teh dark side nao
n all ur kinks shal b allow
no need ceiling cat ne moar
wen pr0nz cum nockin on ur door
cuz if u maekz us fite 4 slash
we b stickin our flagz rite up ur ass
startin our own happy nashun
wer evrybody can has relashuns
happy cat he ses to u
u gots to luv ur fello d00d
so listen gud to wut we say
n fill ur lifes wiv lotz moar gay!

needz moar buttsecks, needz moar gay
teh rally cry 4 a brite nu day
u no its srs bizness dat ne way
wot dis wurld needz iz much moar gay
wed wurk an sing an dance an play
wed stop teh pwnin wivout delay
an teh overpoplashun of mandalay
wud be redused wif a bit moar gay
u not need b our foes 2day
jus joyn us cryin needz moar gay!

Comments

[calenlily.livejournal.com]

Doan wurry, ur kut iz wurkd.

U iz ritin a pome in lolcatz bout "needz moar gay"! Awsum, dis kitteh liek!

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

Dese kittehs b glad u liek!

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

... are you going to need to give your marker a glossary, explaining key terms like slash and pwn?

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

I leave that bit up to Bridget - I just supply extra oomph for writing inspiration - justifying it and explaining it and (largely) editing it are her job :P well it is her degree ...

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

AH, I forgot whose journal I was actually commenting in. Was supposed to be a question for pads ;)

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

she'll get to it - she keeps an eye on my journal as a matter of course :)

[tea-fiend.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I stalk. A bit.

The commentary vaguely refers to the origins of some of the terms, but it's meant to be avant-garde and thus utterly incomprehensible. So, no.

[sedri.livejournal.com]

OW.

*wanders off to cry*

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

*pats* Don't cry, darling. What's the matter?

[tea-fiend.livejournal.com]

I *told* you this one would break her brain.

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking it's actually the lolcat and not the slash that did it.

[tea-fiend.livejournal.com]

I don't think she even got as far as the slash. She was too apoplectic that we'd actually committed a poem in lolcat to paper teh intarwebz.

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

*snort*

Lolcat is *almost* its own language.

[hsavinien.livejournal.com]

Head ow. That's somewhere between awesome and horrifying. Amazing. Amazing covers it.

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad we amaze you with our experimental writing :)

[xxlucyferxx.livejournal.com]

Epic. Fucking. Win.

That is really all I have to say.

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

:D

It's a nice thing to hear

[cofmanynames.livejournal.com]

Is it a bad thing that I found this absolutely comprehensible? I don't think it's a bad thing that I found it completely awesome, though. Now I just need to be awake at three in the morning again so I'm in the right situation to animate it...

[tea-fiend.livejournal.com]

No, it's a good thing. And I must say I am very much looking forward to seeing this animation.

[cofmanynames.livejournal.com]

It would probably be a fairly simple text-only gif, the purpose of which would mostly be to hypnotize people into looking at it and then reading the whole poem or as much of it as I can fit: basically I want to do it as an icon, but I'm not sure what the frame limit on animated icons for LJ is, so I don't even know. *shrug*

[tea-fiend.livejournal.com]

I was wondering the same myself, to be honest. But if you've seen the animated icon of xkcd's boom-de-yada song anywhere (and it's hard to miss, given how many people use it), you'll know the frame limit must be fairly high. Certainly worth investigating, and animating some at least.

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

Hang on, our epic lolcat slasher's manifesto is getting iconned?

WHEEE.

Is it just me, or is being iconned, like, one of the great honours on LJ? That, being metaquoted and being podficced.

[cofmanynames.livejournal.com]

True, but unless more text fits neatly than I thought, I'd need a hundred and fifty to a hundred and fifty-one frames to do all of it, and that's a bit unlikely I think. Must investigate! *rushes off to do so before remembering that she has no idea where to*

[cassie5squared.livejournal.com]

Oh, gods, the comments on this post are almost funnier than than the post itself.

[agenttrojie.livejournal.com]

That's just cos I have an awesome flist :D